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By: Sara J Gamble
before I do.
When I first started planning our wedding I remember someone asking me “will there be an open bar?” - and to be honest, I was insulted. My parents don’t just throw parties; they generally go “all out.” So when I responded “clearly you’ve never partied with the Gamble’s” I think I made the message clear. But after actually being the legal age, and realizing that people do in fact notice if you invite them to an event and then charge them for booze, or don’t even provide it, people are infuriated.
Regardless of what anyone’s opinion is - what I’ve realized is that it truly depends on both the bride and groom, how they were raised...and what the guests are like who will be in attendance. After a few polls I realized that people truly have two different opinions on the subject: the opinion they think they should say, and the real opinion they have. I posted on my Facebook page and while most people did the “PC” thing and said things like “You are not obligated to funnel your guests alcohol. Weddings have become too much about the crazy party than the actual union of two families and the celebration.” to the public, I received private messages and text messages that said “I 100% think an open bar of some sort” because people came to have a good time. Another person went on to describe the scene at a dry wedding: “After dinner, everyone just sat there, looking at one another. It was hardly a celebration of anything.”
Personally, I believe that you should treat your guests...like guests. You wouldn’t invite them to a dinner party at your home and expect them to bring chairs, would you? Having said that, people don’t require a fully stocked, top-shelf open bar - but what does it hurt to at least have something? If you have the resources to have an open bar, go for it. Most places that charge a “price per head” include a low-to-mid-shelf bar included, which generally makes things easy. For those who are on a budget, there are many, many ways to still ensure your guests have a little bubbly in them.
Also, that attitude that some people have that “anyone who needs a drink at a wedding is an alcoholic” needs to GO. Most Americans work over 40 hours a week these days and there is absolutely nothing wrong with a drink or two at the end of the week to unwind. Having said that, most who work a long week and then get themselves and their families together to go to YOUR wedding rightfully should want to have a few glasses of wine to relax and to kick of their heels and dance. Sure, there are people out there that do have problems, but most guests at your wedding really just want to have a good time.
Here a few guidelines you can compare your wedding to, to see what you think you should go with:
Before noon ceremony: No one will expect alcohol, let alone a full bar. While nothing is required for around this time, white wine and mimosas (orange juice and champagne) can’t hurt.
Noon to mid-afternoon: While a full bar is acceptable for this time frame, you can certainly get away with beer and wine for all invited.
Evening: A full bar would be most appropriate here. No one is ever expecting a top-shelf selection, but most will be happy with a selection of liquor as well as beer and wine.
Should you let a guest know when you have a...
Open bar: Letting guests know is really not necessary; however, if the place happens to be particularly strict with checking IDs...letting your 20-something friends and family know, may save them from forgetting their license.
Limited Bar (beer & wine) + Cash Bar with Liquor: This will really be your call. Personally, I can survive on beer, but generally people do not have a lot of cash on them so you can spread it through the grapevine or post a little note on your web site.
Limited Bar Only (beer & wine): If you offer this with no cash bar for liquor to boot, there is no need to tell guests. They won’t need a lot of cash besides a few dollars for tip so it should be okay.
Cash Bar Only: I would recommend telling the guests. You don’t necessarily have to tell them on the invitations, but if you do a wedding web site you can put something on there because, like I said before, guests generally do not carry that much cash on them.
Dry Wedding: Like having a cash bar, I would recommend telling guests. With no alcohol option, people will definitely want to know in advance. A lot of guests will book hotel rooms and arrange for transportation to avoid driving after drinking, knowing there is no alcohol in advance will save money and time.
In conclusion I can say this: while MOST people do not go to a wedding for the food and drinks alone, it is something given back from the bride and groom that shows their gratuity to those who have put their time and money aside to celebrate the bride and groom’s “big day.” And while I like to think I would never RSVP “no” to a wedding simply because of it being a dry or cash bar - I would probably reconsider the effort I put into coming to the wedding because of the effort - or lack there of - set by the bride and groom.
Regardless of what anyone’s opinion is - what I’ve realized is that it truly depends on both the bride and groom, how they were raised...and what the guests are like who will be in attendance. After a few polls I realized that people truly have two different opinions on the subject: the opinion they think they should say, and the real opinion they have. I posted on my Facebook page and while most people did the “PC” thing and said things like “You are not obligated to funnel your guests alcohol. Weddings have become too much about the crazy party than the actual union of two families and the celebration.” to the public, I received private messages and text messages that said “I 100% think an open bar of some sort” because people came to have a good time. Another person went on to describe the scene at a dry wedding: “After dinner, everyone just sat there, looking at one another. It was hardly a celebration of anything.”
Personally, I believe that you should treat your guests...like guests. You wouldn’t invite them to a dinner party at your home and expect them to bring chairs, would you? Having said that, people don’t require a fully stocked, top-shelf open bar - but what does it hurt to at least have something? If you have the resources to have an open bar, go for it. Most places that charge a “price per head” include a low-to-mid-shelf bar included, which generally makes things easy. For those who are on a budget, there are many, many ways to still ensure your guests have a little bubbly in them.
Also, that attitude that some people have that “anyone who needs a drink at a wedding is an alcoholic” needs to GO. Most Americans work over 40 hours a week these days and there is absolutely nothing wrong with a drink or two at the end of the week to unwind. Having said that, most who work a long week and then get themselves and their families together to go to YOUR wedding rightfully should want to have a few glasses of wine to relax and to kick of their heels and dance. Sure, there are people out there that do have problems, but most guests at your wedding really just want to have a good time.
Here a few guidelines you can compare your wedding to, to see what you think you should go with:
Before noon ceremony: No one will expect alcohol, let alone a full bar. While nothing is required for around this time, white wine and mimosas (orange juice and champagne) can’t hurt.
Noon to mid-afternoon: While a full bar is acceptable for this time frame, you can certainly get away with beer and wine for all invited.
Evening: A full bar would be most appropriate here. No one is ever expecting a top-shelf selection, but most will be happy with a selection of liquor as well as beer and wine.
Should you let a guest know when you have a...
Open bar: Letting guests know is really not necessary; however, if the place happens to be particularly strict with checking IDs...letting your 20-something friends and family know, may save them from forgetting their license.
Limited Bar (beer & wine) + Cash Bar with Liquor: This will really be your call. Personally, I can survive on beer, but generally people do not have a lot of cash on them so you can spread it through the grapevine or post a little note on your web site.
Limited Bar Only (beer & wine): If you offer this with no cash bar for liquor to boot, there is no need to tell guests. They won’t need a lot of cash besides a few dollars for tip so it should be okay.
Cash Bar Only: I would recommend telling the guests. You don’t necessarily have to tell them on the invitations, but if you do a wedding web site you can put something on there because, like I said before, guests generally do not carry that much cash on them.
Dry Wedding: Like having a cash bar, I would recommend telling guests. With no alcohol option, people will definitely want to know in advance. A lot of guests will book hotel rooms and arrange for transportation to avoid driving after drinking, knowing there is no alcohol in advance will save money and time.
In conclusion I can say this: while MOST people do not go to a wedding for the food and drinks alone, it is something given back from the bride and groom that shows their gratuity to those who have put their time and money aside to celebrate the bride and groom’s “big day.” And while I like to think I would never RSVP “no” to a wedding simply because of it being a dry or cash bar - I would probably reconsider the effort I put into coming to the wedding because of the effort - or lack there of - set by the bride and groom.
---
Got something you want to read about or a question about a situation you're in the middle of and need an honest answer? Feel free to email me at BeforeIDo@haleymadisonmag.com with the appropriate subject line, even if I don't write about it I promise I will get back to you one way or another!
Follow this column on Twitter > @BeforeIDo_HMM
Follow me > @saraxj
Do you crave a daily dose of wedding advice? Check out my Sara’s new daily blog to help you with each and every need. www.dailydoseofwedding.com
Got something you want to read about or a question about a situation you're in the middle of and need an honest answer? Feel free to email me at BeforeIDo@haleymadisonmag.com with the appropriate subject line, even if I don't write about it I promise I will get back to you one way or another!
Follow this column on Twitter > @BeforeIDo_HMM
Follow me > @saraxj
Do you crave a daily dose of wedding advice? Check out my Sara’s new daily blog to help you with each and every need. www.dailydoseofwedding.com
DECEMBER-- Rock the cashBAR
It always seemed second nature to me to provide the food and drinks for guests at a big affair - like a wedding - because it’s how I was raised and what I have become accustomed to. But after much research - and poll taking, it seems everyone has an opinion from top shelf open bar to low-level cash bar...everyone has something to say.